Imeeji IC contact

[ferociousfuckingnerd]

[A place to text Mori if need be go]

Comments

Re: Day 237 morning

[kingofexplodokills]

[ That's not the question he expected, and it shows. He doesn't stop walking but he does turn to look at him ]

—Which part?

Re: Day 237 morning

[ferociousfuckingnerd]

I know you were worried about taking advantage of me the other day, but... there were moments where you felt vulnerable.

Re: Day 237 morning

[kingofexplodokills]

[ no don't bring attention to it!!! Now he stops walking, looking Mori up and down and then just shoving his hands into his pants pockets, quiet for a few moments still ]

Who the fuck wouldn't feel like that when people can just take a peek and check their emotions just like that? 's fucking miserable.

Re: Day 237 morning

[ferociousfuckingnerd]

Well, yes, but... vulnerable about specific things...

[Was he reading it wrong? Maybe this was a mistake after all]

Re: Day 237 morning

[kingofexplodokills]

[ well. now it's time for his face to go red ]

... I didn't hate it.

With you.

Re: Day 237 morning

[ferociousfuckingnerd]

[s a m e]

...I didn't hate it either.

Re: Day 237 morning

[kingofexplodokills]

[ Somehow it was a lot easier to just pretend it was the effect from flowers and nothing else ]

And you said we had sex in a dream. and I kissed you.

Re: Day 237 morning

[ferociousfuckingnerd]

Y... Yes, we did...

I'm sorry about not telling you after I figured out the dream I thought it would make things too weird if you knew and I didn't know what to do with it, I kind of panicked, and then it became this thing that, how could I just bring it up, and... S-Sorry.

Re: Day 237 morning

[kingofexplodokills]

... 's fine. It's not like you can just walk up to people and tell 'em "hey, we fucked in a dream".

[ But he doesn't really know how to take it or what it means yet. He wants it to mean something. But then Mori told him about all those complicated feelings associated to his dream, so ... it's not a good thing, is it? ]

You kept the piercing.

Re: Day 237 morning

[ferociousfuckingnerd]

[Lifts his hand to his ear gingerly]

...I did. I want to keep it, properly.

Re: Day 237 morning

[kingofexplodokills]

[ Shit. This shouldn't make his heart jump to his stomach, what the fuck is wrong with him. It's just a piercing. In his color. ]

It suits you.

Re: Day 237 morning

[ferociousfuckingnerd]

Th-Thanks.

[That's such a loaded compliment and he's so terrified of reading too much into anything]

You... You think it's alright? If I do?

Re: Day 237 morning

[kingofexplodokills]

[ it's extremely loaded and he doesn't know what to do to that question. If he says yes, is he ... giving him the wrong impression? What does it even mean if he says yes? Shit. He doesn't know how to handle it at all ]

Mori.

What did you want to talk about?

Re: Day 237 morning

[ferociousfuckingnerd]

[aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah]

...I don't think we can just pretend the other day didn't have an impact on our relationship. I just... want to figure out what it means.

Re: Day 237 morning

[kingofexplodokills]

[ It's time to keep quiet for a little while longer but maybe if he turns it into a game of chicken he can survive this? ]

... Whad'you want it to mean? You're the one who wasn't thinking clearly all throughout that shit. I was.

Re: Day 237 morning

[ferociousfuckingnerd]

[Please, he is already so anxious, this silence and chicken is killing him]

I don't know what I want it to mean. I keep getting stuck on... I...

I keep thinking, we don't want the same things, and we're not in the same place, a-and it's like neither of us are willing to say what we actually want because we're scared of getting hurt by rejection from the other!

Re: Day 237 morning

[kingofexplodokills]

[ Well he's making a face at that because he just got called out immediately ]

So you're fucking doing it on purpose too!

Re: Day 237 morning

[ferociousfuckingnerd]

Because what if I say it and I'm wrong and it's bad!

Re: Day 237 morning

[kingofexplodokills]

And if you don't tell me then we'll dance around this shit for for-fucking-ever and we'll never move past it.

I already said I have the hots for you, I did my part in embarrassing confession. Now's your turn.

Re: Day 237 morning

[ferociousfuckingnerd]

I know! I know! I'm trying, I am, I...

[He's terrified. He doesn't want to put himself out there again. He doesn't want to try and have fun and then feel that same misery again when Hardcore decides he likes someone else better. And he has so many better options.

But Hardcore is right. If he doesn't say it they'll never move past it. Mori puts his face in his hands and takes a deep breath. He can't look at him.]

I think I like you.

Re: Day 237 morning

[kingofexplodokills]

[ Part of him was hoping to hear those words exactly. He was hoping to hear them and that itself should be enough of an indication on his own actual feelings. It is what this entire thing has been leading up to, isn't it? All the playful flirting, and the heartfelt talks, and trying to move past their fuckery together.

But he never thought he'd actually hear them, and Mori coming out and saying it is still a shock.

Especially because when it comes down to it, he can't wrap his head around it ]

...

why?

Re: Day 237 morning

[ferociousfuckingnerd]

Why do you have to ask that!!

[He hates this. It just means rejection is coming, doesn't it? Hardcore doesn't want anything serious. He thinks Mori is hot but he doesn't like him, he doesn't want to date him, he's still working through too many of his own issues to consider anything like that. Mori thinks he must really be a masochist to keep putting himself in this position.]

Re: Day 237 morning

[kingofexplodokills]

You like me, but you don't like Duality.

[ He wants to cling to his ego and just say, of course, he's the hottest shit ever. Why wouldn't he like him more than other people? But then he remembers what Mori said about his dream, how he systematically bullied him for years, how Mori even thought about suicide to get him trouble, because he drove him to that point ]

It doesn't make any fucking sense is all I'm saying.

But you like me.

Re: Day 237 morning

[ferociousfuckingnerd]

[SO FRUSTRATED AND SO GUILTY]

I know! I know, okay, I know everything would be much easier if I liked Shouto, but that's not what we're talking about! You're the one always getting mad when people don't focus completely on you so don't drag him into it!

It was... It was nice, okay. It was fun. You made me happy.

This was stupid. I'm not expecting anything, just, forget it.

Re: Day 237 morning

[kingofexplodokills]

[ just. interrupting him the moment he says "forget it" ]

I like you too.

I wasn't sure about it and I didn't wanna think about it.

But the past few days have been tough. I kept wanting that shit with you and then thinking that it wasn't really you, so playing along was just fucking awful of me.