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Imeeji IC contact

[A place to text Mori if need be go]

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Duality: I can't say that for sure.
Duality: But I asked Cobalt for Cloud Nine.
Duality: It helps.
Duality: Oh, I can meet you there, if you want to.

Mori: oh cloud nine
Mori: I've never used it myself, but I'm glad it's doing you good.
Mori: wanna meet me at the station?

[Sends Duality his location]

Duality: I can do that.
Duality: I'll be there in a few minutes.

[he will in fact, be there in a few minutes, bundled up in a scarf and jacket. he looks less despondent and a little more lively than before]

Hey.

[Mori himself is not quite as bundled up, he always runs a little cold with Heroes Never Die active so it doesn't bother him as much, the HSS leather keeps him plenty warm enough.]

Hi Todoroki-kun. Ah, you are looking better.

[WHY IS IT ACTIVE THOUGH]

I know I'm not quite all right, but it doesn't bother me as much like this. Are you all right? You're not wearing a lot...

[BECAUSE C HAS HIS HEART]

I'm fine. This leather gets real warm real fast. So the feelings are still there? How does it work?

[IF ONLY DUALITY KNEW but he doesn't. and he just accepts that, then]

They're still there, and I'm aware of them and the severity, but it's like... they're blocked. Not in a bad way, though. They just don't affect my judgement. Cobalt said it also helps people sleep better.

That sounds pretty amazing actually. How long will it last? Will you have to get a refresh before you sleep tonight?

I think it should last until tomorrow morning, he said it lasts about a day. So I'll ask him tomorrow again if I need it.

It feels a little strange, in the sense that if I think about my father, I know it makes me mad but it's like it doesn't matter.

[...Should I ask for cloud nine when I have to talk to kacchan...]

I don't know if you should rely on that kind of thing for too long, but being able to put that stuff in a box for a little bit and get some rest is good.

[maybe it could help for at least an initial talk]

I realize that, yes. Relying on it could be dangerous. I don't want that. But you saw how I was before.

I know, the game effect was bad. My biggest hope is that it wears off before Cloud Nine does.

I hope so too.

[he hesitates]

Not that... I wasn't feeling off before that. B mentioned I probably have depression.

[BUDDY :(]

That can happen in a place like this. How has it been while I was gone?

It's been a lot. It feels like I've gotten piled on...? With too much at the same time. It feels like it's always my sense of confidence in myself that gets targeted.

Mostly I just feel tired.

Edited 2020-01-23 21:44 (UTC)

Can you tell me some of those things? What feels like it's been targetting you?

[he shifts a shoulder in a shrug. he doesn't mean to look nonchalant, but he does, even though he tries to piece together information in a coherent way. at least speaking about it works better now than any other time]

It's been a few things, but mostly I think it's from the House... it felt like I didn't matter. There was an instance where Angel disappeared and Intensity rushed on to find her without looking. I followed, to make sure he'd be safe, because he wasn't thinking. Then he brushed it off, saying I didn't have to, that Man-Eater was there, and he didn't understand why it would make me upset. He trusted someone on another unit in that place instead of me, and... I don't know. Man-Eater was already insane, and he stabbed her. I don't want to feel vindictive about that, and I confronted Intensity about it later but, I try my best to look after FiN, to be useful.

I had a round alone after that, and I ran into someone who did something to me that... broke me? I turned on everyone too. But he killed me as well, because apparently it wasn't enough.

[he comes to a halt there, taking a breath]

Apologies, it's a lot. The rest is worse.

[Shifts closer, putting an arm around him]

That is a lot, but it's okay. I know that house is terrible. I'm really sorry you went through all that... Intensity-san isn't good at accepting help at the best of times. That isn't on you. And getting attacked like that... The house makes everyone do awful things. It's not them, and it's not you.

[blinks a little but leans against him. he seems fine enough right now, expression open and neutral]

I did awful things in the house too. I killed people. For the most ridiculous reasons.

[here he pauses again with a frown, and then he looks away]

I killed C.

[His breath hitches that is a lot]

It wasn't you, Todoroki-kun.

I know that.

I'm sorry for unloading on you. I realize it's a lot, but it's easier to talk right now than before. Because of...

[he gestures vaguely to himself]

After that, it feels like it happens, again and again, everything comes back to that feeling, that I'm not needed. Games keep turning back on that point, and it started as something I was unsure about. I know it isn't true, but it doesn't stop.

[Shakes his head]

Don't be sorry. I asked you to tell me.

You're needed, Todoroki-kun. I need you, at least. And I know you've worked hard to protect your team before, games can weigh down on you here but you were able to protect Angel-san and Intensity-san when we were all attacked in the Hunger Games. I know how hard you work to take care of them.

[he turns looks at him then, eyes widening a little bit at the very first part, but then he just. nods vaguely as Mori keeps talking, shoulders relaxing slightly]

Logically... I know this. It's easier to accept when I can't think negatively, but I know emotionally it's difficult—

[okay just, he has to come back to that]

You need me?

You're a very calming influence. You keep me grounded. And I know no matter what happens, you'll always have my back. That's very reassuring, you know? I'd be a way bigger mess if you weren't here.

... I've always felt like I'm the one who keeps relying on you. That I can't really give anything back. It's not like I've done much in terms of helping. You're the one who brought me out of my mindset, and you're the one who's been listening to me when I needed it.

But when did I do that for you?

[now he looks a little helpless but not upset]

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